Here at the Vagenda, we’re not all that keen on the 2D porn you pick up in your average SoHo backstreet, tbh. I’m not sure about you, but close-up penetrative shots directly following a pizza delivery fail to get our pulses racing. We prefer it when the knickers are coming off for a some kind of reason, no matter how tenuous (I once shagged someone because they played rugby.)
Some of us need sophisticated characterisation, the hint of a sub-plot, metaphor, and/or a central protagonist with some kind of conflict to get our pulses racing. Actually, that sounds kind of like a BOOK – and so we’ve come up with some porn-y alternatives to great literature that we’re sure would take a cosy place alongside Chesty Morgan and Jordan circa 1995 if someone would only give them a chance. Directors, take note.
The Mound and the Fury
To Fill a Fucking Bird
The Golden Scrotebook
One Screw Over a Cuckold’s Chest
Fear of Clothing in Las Vegas
Great Sexpectations
Muff in a Cold Climate
Sperms of Endearment
Toss Off The D’Ubervilles
The Cunterbury Tales (with dirty enough content anyway to have an entirely faithful film reproduction classed as ‘adult’)
Madame Ho-vary
Thus Poked the Zara-Thruster
Screwlysses
Tom’s Midnight Hard-on
The Adventures of Fuckleberry Sin
Catch 22 STDs
The Great Twatsby
A Midsummer Night’s Cream
Bride’s Head Rejizzited
The Masturbator and Margarita
Flangela’s Gashes
Fucky Jim
Finnegan’s Wank
Dulce et Decorum Breast
A Tale of Two Titties
Nineteen Eighty PHWOAR
The Life and Opinions of Tristam Hand Shandy
The Lord of the Rims
More suggestions would be most welcomed. Tweet us your #pornotitles @vagendamagazine.
Lots of love,
The Vagenda Team