The Vagenda

How National Cleavage Day Empowered Us All

Ever at the cutting edge of serious and scientific news, the Daily Fail celebrated last week’s charming and not at all made-up National Cleavage Day by reporting on a survey by Wonderbra (the same company who invented the day, naturally) that says ‘women use their cleavage to get ahead in life.’
Sadie Whetlocks at the Fail claims that cleavage is ‘our secret weapon.’ And it’s a weapon that we sorely need to ‘give our careers a boost’, since men get all those other secret weapons we don’t have access to, like intelligence and ambition and stuff.
A spokesperson from Wonderbra – so, thankfully, somebody with no vested interest in the matter – is reported as commenting that ‘showing your cleavage is the embodiment of empowerment.’ So true. Feminism = objectification. Have these guys been getting their tips on what empowerment means from the F Word campaign at Cosmo?
Further down, it’s reported that Wonderbra have unveiled a Hall of Sexist Sentiment and Tears at their HQ, which they then quickly renamed the Cleavage Hall of Fame after consultation with their press department. In it, they’ve taken pictures of celebrity women and rated them on their cleavage. I think we’re all pleased to hear that Holly Willoughby is the winner – ‘we are thrilled that British beauty Holly Willoughby fought off such strong competition,’ simpered Wonderbra spokesperson Martina Alexander, who was accidentally-on-purpose referred to by the Fail as ‘spokesman.’ And what a fight it was, eh? It’s not like she was completely passive in a process that involved judging photos of her tit skin or anything like that. This is empowerment, girls, after all.
While the Fail has been busy reporting on how women can ‘get ahead in the workplace’, Vogue tells us that Indonesia is considering banning the miniskirt. ‘We know that there have been a series of rapes and other immoral acts recently,’ they quote Indonesia’s House of Representatives Speaker as saying. ‘Those things happened because women don’t dress decently, prompting men to do things. You know what men are like – provocative clothing will make them do things.’ What’s he like, eh? (Like other ‘men’, presumably: a potential rapist in a suit, just waiting to be provoked by the wrong woman and then unfairly blamed for his actions.) And shouldn’t that last sentence have been cosying up with the Fail coverage of National Cleavage Day to further support their ‘findings’ that women use their cleavage ‘to get ahead’? ‘Spokespeople for Wonderbra and oppressive governments around the world agree: women’s bodies are responsible for all the bad things that men do. Men’s brains are responsible for the good stuff. Oh, and when good stuff happens to women, it’s because men let it happen.’
Vogue hasn’t challenged the words of that joker, but it has supplied a photo of a model in a miniskirt and headed the article with the line: ‘Banning the Mini.’ Lamenting the more important things in life, then, rather than, y’know, personal dignity and equality and all that.
Well, I’m off to the underwear store, guys and gals. Can’t believe how much time I’ve wasted at my desk, doing work and expecting a promotion. I could’ve been squashing my tits closer together all along!
Image credit to imagerymajestic - truly the embodiment of empowerment, ain’t it?

4 thoughts on “How National Cleavage Day Empowered Us All

  1. I do find exposed or accentuated boobs enjoyably provocative, but what of it? I never imagine that entitles me to do anything. And this is even when I prefer smaller ones aesthetically and practically!

  2. Great post. But another infuriating example of the Daily Mail ignoring evidence and taking any chance it can to titillate (sorry) its readers!
    Their article says 70% of women would flash their cleavage to get on at work. DM-reading might do so but it wouldn’t get them to the top. This isn’t scientific evidence from a properly controlled trial either, it’s from a press release by Wonderbra. This kind of journalism (I use the term loosely) is deplorable.

    A recent survey found that more than half of UK bosses would overlook a woman for promotion if she exposed too much cleavage. Research I’m currently conducting is showing that women with too much cleavage on show are only considered suitable for low-status jobs. In a working environment women need to appear professional, authoritative and credible or they will continue to be regarded as second-class employees and paid only 70% as much as their male counterparts. All the evidence, accruing from empirical trials not Wonderbra surveys, suggests that these traits are attributed in negative proportion to the amount of cleavage on show.

    An image consultant comments on this topic on my blog here:

  3. just can said 1
    its man wrong as a man make your mind clean protect girl not raped them specially to indonesia, girls have many type and like many different fashion not like men try understand they heart don’t judge them from men eyes but judge them from their position as a woman