The Vagenda

How to tell whether or not your girlfriend is a feminist…

…before it’s too late.
So, yesterday, Conservative political activist Phyllis Schlafly visited US military college the Citadel in order to do some proper trash-talking of feminists. This included saying “Feminists are having a hard time being elected because they essentially are unlikable.”  She also told the all-male audience that “feminist is a bad word and everything they stand for is bad.” 
Some of you will know that Ms Schlafly has previous beef with feminism, having opposed the Equal Rights Amendment. The best bit of her speech yesterday was when she advised the men present to “Find out if your girlfriend is a feminist before you get too far into it,” and that “some of them are pretty. They don’t all look like Bella Abzug.” That’s right, gents. Don’t let a woman’s beauty distract you from the fact that she may have dangerous political motivations, because feminists are dangerous and constitute a real and present threat to traditional American values. 
So, to help these nice military gentleman (who, despite going around shooting people are a lovely bunch, really)  get the measure of whether or not their potential squeeze is a feminist or not, we thought we’d devise a helpful little quiz, brought to you in collaboration with Conservapedia (aka “the trustworthy encyclopedia”)
- Does she want to do man stuff, like possibly having sexual intercourse with women?
-Does she not really want gender equality at all, just power to the female left? In other words, is she a pinko?
-Does she make movies which portray men as dumb and women as smart?
- Does she shirk traditional gender activities, like baking?
- Does she prefer that women wear pants rather than dresses, presumably because men do?
- Does she refuse to take her husband’s last name when marrying?
- Does she think what happened to Henry VIIIs wifes was more noteworthy historically than the syphylis-ridden man himself?

- Does she often condemn the God-Given order of gender roles, as laid out in the Holy Bible?- Take offense at grammatical rules of the English language, like using the pronoun “he” when referring to a hypothetical/anonymous person, or phrases like ‘fireman’ and ‘stewardess?’

-Does she support women being sex objects, viewing it as a means of empowerment over the traditional Judeo-Christian family structure and conservative values?
- Does she treat Islam’s cruel treatment of women as a matter of “personal choice”?
- Does she lack a sense of humour?
- Does she regard all men as potential rapists?
If you answered YES to 100% of these questions, your girlfriend is definitely a feminist. 

5 thoughts on “How to tell whether or not your girlfriend is a feminist…

  1. but doesn’t she have a point? Isn’t feminism inherently contrary to the macho brutality of militarism, so that at some point the bloke would be obliged to shoot the woman for undermining their unquestioning patriotic slaughter ?

  2. Speaking as both a feminist and one of those “nice military gentleman” I’m not really sure what to make of this. Anyone who is aware of her social policies must surely be aware that Phyllis Schlafly is, frankly, a bit of an idiot. The thing is, I’m pretty sure the fault on this occasion lies with the chain of command which allowed her to address such an audience knowing (or at least, presumably, suspecting) what sort of agenda she would be preaching. I’m not saying that the British Army is a paragon of equality (though I think most outsiders would be surprised by how receptive/committed a large proportion are), but something like this is utterly unthinkable.

  3. It says Maxim November 2003 – not even that long ago!

    It’s hilarious.I am actually an unshaven,militant vegan who regularly attends protests and demonstrations. If I’m going to fit one stereotype exactly, I’m glad it’s that one.