‘Real life stories’: those pinnacles of taste and substance. Now, we’ve all taken a perverse and possibly guilty pleasure in surreptitiously flicking through the nearest magazine at W H Smith’s in an airport to find out whether her liver really was haunted by a Teletubby or not (no? Just me?) but generally, in our day-to-day lives, we fail to appreciate the creative genius that must go on behind sourcing, reporting on, and yes, most likely completely making up, these sexy-to-sordid tales. Because it’s the weekend very soon, I’ve picked out my favourites from the past couple of weeks to share with you. Additions of your own yarns loosely based on someone’s interpretation of reality are strongly encouraged.
Now, this one pulled me in with the first three words. A surprise sex change always makes for an interesting read – especially when the cruel, Shakespearean irony of hair loss pills for the testosterone-ridden man is included.
Naturally packing all possible levels of offense into four lines, ‘magic gypsy lipo cures postnatal depression’ may be one of the most brazen cons sold by plastic surgery pushing mags in the last, well, fortnight. And there seems to be a theme going on in Closer towers because, mere days later:
Cool. Meanwhile, at The Mirror, everyone loves a pun…
But not as much as the jokers at The Sun:
A similarly eye-opening feature includes:
Meanwhile, Pick Me Up! challenges conventional social assumptions:
If you didn’t get that, it says she’s no sex-mad devil woman.
Elsewhere, The Daily Fail is particularly well-known for its catchphrases which just trip off the tongue:
Classic Wheel Clamp Man. That’s Life! has something eloquent to add:
And, for the even more sophisticated amongst you…
Well, it’s been fun. I know what you’re thinking: how can I contribute to such high quality journalism in a market already clearly saturated? Well, ladies and gents, if you’d like to join the Real Life Revolution and you’re 12 years old, Shout magazine’s looking: