The Vagenda

Lulu: Bitching About Your Ex, Pro-Style

because, FINALLY, right?

Ladies, are you having a hard time speaking to human men in your neighbourhood? Do you want to know more than a Google search’s worth of information about a man before you even approach? Want to know whether or not the guy making eyes at you across the coffee shop did or did not spoon his last girlfriend, but refuse to have an adult conversation with him to obtain that information? Have I got an app for you! Meet Lulu.
It is a “database of men,” which is personally giving me very aggressive “binders of women” flashbacks, and which allows you to rate them and share stories and hashtags (#OpensDoors, #WillSeeRomComs, #AlwaysPays, etc.) with other users on the “girls only” app. It can also help you to find men in your area who are good kissers or love their moms or have big… feet (haha do you get it? They do not mean feet!). Intrepid stalkers can “star” guys that they’re into, to be notified upon the arrival of “juicy new Lulu activity.” Activity like a rating of his ‘Ambition’ based on an anonymous woman’s ratings of what he might be wearing in the future. You can also recommend men to different girls in your Lulu BFF circle… like Spotify, but for humans with penises! 
Caitlin Moran has a test for misogyny: are the men doing this, as well? No, they are not, because I would be SO mad at them if they were. I am not going to suggest that this is misandry because a) it’s not and b) the concept of misandry, I just don’t know, you guys, but I would like to suggest that it is generally in poor taste and not a good thing to be participating in. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, right? Basic human 101, and yet here Lulu is, encouraging you to rank the men in your life out of ten or stalk a guy from your Psychology class because he held a door open for one of your anonymous man-ranking app friends once and you love MANNERS.


But while this app is definitely not treating men well, it just straight up haaaates women. Just thinks we’re dumb, husband-obsessed gossips. And it doesn’t even trust women to have the last word on the men they’re ranking! Despite presenting itself as the FUBU of girl talk, users can also get advice from the “hilarious, brutally honest” Dude. This anonymous guy offers ladies advice on how to behave out in the world because he has “been there,” and because what do you know, you are just a lady creeping around on an app to find out if your friend Stephen rates higher than your current boyfriend in Humour and Appearance. On Lulu’s blog The Dude says things like this: 


Dear Dude:  How come guys never want to kiss?  Once I sleep with a guy, we don’t have those great makeout sessions anymore, and just go straight to doing the deed.
Why doesn’t Derek Jeter like playing Little League anymore? Why doesn’t Bill Gates want to go back to living in his parents’ basement? You took us to the promised land, now you want us to build another pyramid?  And yes, we do think of it that way.
- The Blunt Dude
Cooooooool. If you really hate yourself, you can read other fun entries like “Finally! A Dude tells us how far to go on dates 1-4,” or “How not to freak out when your boyfriend travels.” And if your man is feeling left out, don’t worry! They also have an app for guys,”which lets them get general feedback about where they stand among other men, and gives them tips and insights about the mysterious world of women.” The this app seems to be based on the premise that nobody on either side of a relationship can be trusted to ever have a mature, honest conversation, about anything. Men are liars, or lazy, or cheaters, or “have their mom on speed dial,” and must conform strictly to archaic ideas of a good date (#AlwaysPays) or be shamed behind their backs not only by their female friends but a community of anonymous, judgmental strangers, and women are simply doing the only thing they do all day, think about how and when they can FINALLY snag a man. It’s all we want, the pink app tells us, and now we can have it! That Disney wedding to a guy who spoons and lives in my area code that I have always wanted is within sight. Barf. 
Lulu’s creators say the app was born of necessity, and that they are simply making the “private ritual” of asking around about a guy easier to do: “At the end of the day, Lulu is all about encouraging good, gentlemanly behaviour, and providing a platform that makes girls’ research easier and more fun.” It is rare that something so pink and “just-us-girls” is equally disheartening for both men and women, but Lulu seems to have nailed it! 
#NotInterested #Spoons
- MH

7 thoughts on “Lulu: Bitching About Your Ex, Pro-Style

  1. Ugh. Anyway, similar apps for men include:

    - The Play Book (PlayBook?) – rates sexual partners. Gives intimate details to all your friends.

    - Every other app that rates how “hot” women are.

    - Revengeporn – may not be an app. Also much more sinister. Shares intimate photos your ex gave you (or you took) while she wasn’t your ex.

    Just pointing it out… this is eww all around, but it definitely isn’t a “new” thing that women have started – it’s a thing where women are very late to the game.

    • Marla, I’m writing an article on Lulu and similar social media. I hadn’t heard of The Play Book, and I want to find more info on it but Google isn’t returning anything useful. Is it a website? An app? If you know anything more about it, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.

    • as far as i know all those examples are nasty and without taste, but not only-for men. I dont like toways sexism, but would prefer that any time to the sexism of lulu that entirely lies on the fact that its one-sided.

      For instance:
      - a guy is reviewed on Lulu – his girlfriend get a notification about it – not him.
      - the one-sided’ness is systematic: women can rate all their male friends – and friends friends and so on, so any guy on fb could be reviewed
      - the hastags is systematically sexist: #manscaped,#sixpack, #Totalf******dickhed, #boring, #bigfeet (!)
      - their twitter site follows female users and encourage every sexist usage they make (probably because especially young girls do so, and thy want to target them)
      - Guys can get on Luludude and see how many girls have reviewed them and visit them. That sums up to a “daily stud-o-meter” and a weekly “bang-a-bility”, but as a guy you cant see who the girls are. You CAN get two view your “overall score” but only if you invite 25 female friends to join Lulu, because “You do want to know dont you?”.
      - So its playing on the fact that such a rating system once it gets popular wil make boys addictive to them.

      - Lulu also has “campus ambassadors”. They had several invitations-only launces on colleges, and run college programs.

      - Males who are reviewed on lulu may never hear of it, or if they are young and in a college like FSU where i think it was just aroung 50% who used lulu, they could be omitted the change to be with a girl again.

      - This is why i think lulu is the most sexist app, ever. the stuff Marla Snoddon mention is terrible too though

  2. One thing I find interesting is that the creator says that if a guy finds a review he isn’t happy about then he can A) change or B) have it taken down…
    I have found a couple of holes in her logic. Guys can not get on the app, so how can he know what has been said about him? If he changes he will still be haunted by that bad review, and also how can he take it down? I have not found anyway to contact the creator…
    This app is just disgusting and offensive. If any guy mad an app like this there would be outrage. Also I’d like to add that any gal using this is not someone I or any smart guy would want to date.

  3. Sadly i think that you just conforms that feminism don’t symphasises with male gender issues. The link criticises Lulu but refuses to call it misandric and states that it threats women worse than men. Do you even consider how much such statements frustrates me. Everything is seen in the ligth of “patriarchy” but if patriarchy in itself is defined by the sum of sexsim against women minus the sum of sexism against men (thats not beeing said, though its implied, because it is used to reject male complains of women beeing sexist – you just conveniently invent some other word to describe sexist behavour against men, and suddently its all perfect), then you have to define all cases of sexism before you know if youre living in a patriarchy, a matriarchy or a (unhappy) society with equal amount of sexism both ways. When denyng cases of sexism against men you will always end up with thinking of society as beeing utterly patriarchic, and when you do so, you keep denying cases of sexism against men. Circle logic.

    Im glad you do not like Lulu, but i dont feel you cares that much for all for those men who might get trashtalked and bullyid. I think that by stating that it is in bad taste but not sexist towards men, you creates a collective “wisdom” that goes like: ok its not that bad, they are so full of ‘power’ anyway – it might do them some good to be harassed a bit.
    Im aware that patriarchy is defined by structural discrimination of women, not by sums minus other sums, but ive never seen those structures as one of especially aimed at women, but rather at both sex’es in form of various role eexpectations. Feminists often partially agress, but then again: the structures that defines male role expectations are simply defined as more empowering and less surpressive.

    Finally i agree that patriarchy in other parts of the world and in our history has been especially hard on women. I just dont think that this authomatically means that this still is the case. Structures exist for both genders and they are changing.

    I dislike the re-definitions that maybee not theorethical but in practise deny the existense of female sexism because it justifies sexism against men.

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