The Vagenda

Things Worth Shaving Your Head For If You’re A Girl

The news that Japanese pop star Minami Minegishi shaved her head in a public act of mea culpa because she felt guilty about spending the night with her boyfriend and contravening girl band AKB48′s dating rules got me thinking. Not, as is probably more appropriate, about Japanese approaches to traditional gender roles and the madonna/whore/lolita trichotomy present in the country’s pop music (you’re welcome, SOAS students on the lookout for a thesis topic), but about what it would take to get me to shave my head. Having dedicated a whole weekend and a bit ruminating on this, allow me to present you with the definitive list of Things Worth Shaving Your Head For:
1. MRI scan
2. Meticulous recreation of the video of Nothing Compares 2 U
3. Act of sympathy with your cancer patient friend
4. A lead role in Les Miserables
5. A very public nervous breakdown as a result of the pressure wrought by child stardom and unrelenting media exposure
6. Because you have fucking awesome bone structure
7. Because the government cut your benefit and you need to sell your tresses to Hot Hair in order to afford Tesco Value Horseburgers to feed your kids with
8. Because you’ve joined a Buddhist monastery 
9. Because you’re Skin from Skunk Anansie 
10. Trichophilia
11. Because you’re starring in a remake of Metropolis
12. Fancy dress party
a.) Winston Churchill
b.) LL Cool J
c.) The Baby from Shooting Stars
13. A bet in which the spoils amount to more than £50
14. To get on this website:
15. Because you fucking want to. 
Things Not Worth Shaving Your Head For:
1. A boy. 

9 thoughts on “Things Worth Shaving Your Head For If You’re A Girl

  1. She did what????
    That’s fucking insane!
    I shaved my head for a year and loved it, but everyone thought I was a lesbian(not bad in itself) but it did make it more difficult to get laid(not being a lesbian), so I grew my hair back out of sexual frustration. I’m sure I’ll do it again at some point, I’ll just make sure I have a more reliable source of sex, ie a boyfriend

    Reason I did it; because I had wanted to for about 10 years and doing it myself felt fucking amazing, sexy, and empowering

  2. 16. Prevents ‘helmet head’ if you ride bikes, although I imagine if helmet head bothers you, you might not want to cut your hair off …

    17. I imagine it would be cooling in the summer months providing you used sun screen and lived somewhere where ‘summer months’ actually meant something.

    18. An Indian Head Massage would leave you so relaxed it would be hard not to drool.

    19. You want to see if all the times you’ve bumped your head have left any cool shapes on your cranium . Everyone should know at least once in their life what the actual shape of their skull is surely? Just me?

    20. Point 15 is so important it needs to be read twice.

    Fantastic article as usual. One day I will shave my head, when I want to and it’s right for me, not because of societal norms or the rejection of them but because as nicedaydesigns stated above I want to feel fucking amazing, sexy and empowered – even more than I do now.

  3. I did shave my head once. Not for charity, not for a boy and not because I have fucking awesome bone structure. For the decision to go into a hairdressers called ‘Sandra’s’ and ask the bleached, still-teen-assistant for a pixie crop while she had a pair of clippers in her hands. Twenty years and one divorce later, and it still counts as the worst decision I ever made.

  4. This is so sad.

    I shaved my head for about 18 months and I bloody loved it. Toyed with the idea for years and finally did it on a whim one Winter day. Very quickly had to invest in earmuffs because it was freezing, but loved having super short hair. I often think about shaving the whole lot off again. Next time I’ll wait for warmer weather though.

  5. It’s a cultural thing. Sumo wrestlers cut their hair when they retire. There was something similar with the samurai, when captured they would often have their hair cut off by their captors. It was huge insult for them.

    In modern Japan, men are also known to cut or shave their hair off to show contrition if they have disappointed their wives in some way.

    So the girl was pretty much following a tradition that applies, or at least applied historically, to both men and women in Japan.

    • Of course it’s cultural, that’s why she did it; to show precisely how sorry she was, she performed the most relevant physical act of apology that their culture allowed. The point is why she did it: because she had the audacity to sleep with a man. You can bet your bottom dollar that the man in question hasn’t shaved off his hair. Not to mention the fact that she has already been “punished” by being demoted a career level – demoted for sleeping with a man! – but this is not enough. She needs to take to the internet, apologise to the entire world, and perform said act of ultimate cultural contrition. What’s she going to do if she ever murders anybody? Or, god forbid, gets caught actually in the act? Hey, if it can happen to Hugh Grant and George Michael . . . and I didn’t see either of them lopping off their locks and crying on YouTube.

  6. I had hair which was very close to being completely shaved three years ago and it is only now I look back at the photos of me at my birthday meal on the day I had it cut that I realise just how short it was! It did irk me though that people kept joking “are you going to go for the full on Sinead O’Connor?” and I thought, why is her hairstyle laughed at? Surely people should be critiquing her music rather than her appearance. But then again, she’s a woman, so what can we expect? I loved having hair that short. It needed only the swiftest wash and a dry with a hand towel an that was it. So easy. It’s not as if it doesn’t grow back! I think if there’s one thing hair wise everyone should experience during their lives it’s having shaved hair.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>