The Vagenda

What the Vagenda Team Wears to Work (Seeing as Y’all So Clearly Give a Fuck)


Being women, and therefore simple creatures, we are by our very nature fascinated by pretty things. This goes some way to explaining the prevalence of magazine articles which chronicle the outfits of the publication’s editorial team wear to work. After all, they’re like journalistic celebs, innit? We thought this trend had reached it’s logical (and hilarious) conclusion when Guardian staff forced young lad Patrick Kingsley to wear leggings, or ‘meggings’, as man leggings are OFFISH known in fash mag speak. But if that four page Times article last weekend chronicling Polly Vernon’s attempts to control her inner gag reflex while sporting a variety of static-inducing supermarket clothes is anything to go by, y’all still care about this stuff (at least we got to see Polly in a red polyester blazer, making a welcome change from the usual ‘Q: What do fashion journalists wear to work? piece (A: shit you bitches can’t afford, yo). And because you all still care, we thought we’d give you a rare insight into what the Vagenda and some of its contributors wear to work. Because you don’t just want to be like us, you wan’t to be us (bitch).

DB: Today I am wearing a slightly stained Snoopy shirt, a scrunchie, and pair of braces once owned by Benny from Crossroads.

JW: I work from home, so I usually wear either pyjamas (to stave off laundry) or clothes that I wouldn’t wear in public so as to save my better outfits for the one day a week I do venture outdoors. Today I am wearing a top that barely covers my breasts because I’ve had it since I was 14, grey jeans because I ripped a hole in the crotch of my blue ones when I was climbing on the fridge yesterday, and a hoody from a university I didn’t go to (my sister’s).

FS: Today I am wearing a grey spotty new look skirt from 2006 with a broken zip that my husband described as “gross” when he first saw it. I’m also sporting a black Lycra top with deodorant marks under the arms an aged h&m swing coat covered in cat hair.

NC: Today I am flaunting my curves in a ill-fitting Primark skirt which I accidentally smeared peanut butter over during my deskfast, a shirt that’s built for women with a decent rack (not me) and some Chelsea boots the heels of which have worn down so unevenly that I walk like Mick Jagger.

AC: Today I am wearing an expression of complete disinterest.

ET: I am wearing the same jeans I have been wearing for the last four days, which are indelibly patterned with bicycle oil in a chic chain pattern across the calves. The jeans taper into my authentically fragranced 5-year-old reebok classics, showing just a cheeky hint of trendy mismatched socks underneath. Layering is in at the moment, and so I have layered a green knit jumper over a stripy multicoloured long sleeved t-shirt, but have added my own unique touch of class by rolling the sleeves of the former up, creating the impression of a rainbow emerging from a summer meadow.

KMB: I have a passion for hosiery so I try and make sure I have at least one hole or ladder in my tights, even the opaques. It’s difficult to achieve the same effect with socks, but I often manage a hole in the heel or toe area (it helps if they’re unmatched too). I keep my make-up simple and natural by not wearing any and my daily cycle ride takes care of my hairstyle, particularly when there’s rain involved

KB: Today I am wearing two jumpers, both grey, one to symbolise the weather and one to symbolise my mood. I’m probably also wearing something to cover my arse but I’m too depressed to look.

Today I am wearing whatever I was wearing yesterday except smellier, because I slept in a stationary cupboard instead of going home. (I have no home. I can barely afford the rent on the cupboard as it is.)

Today I am wearing whatever I was wearing yesterday, except crumpled and stained in embarrassing places, because I went to a cocktail bar even though I don’t like cocktails and I picked up some guy even though I had to get up early for a meeting the next day, and it was 2am by the time we got back to his and I can tell you I wasn’t feeling so sexy and clever by then and now my boss wants to have a little chat with me and I am laying curses at the door of Sex and the City.

Today I am wearing oh god what’s this email anyway I’m wearing oh shit I’m not paid enough to deal with this so I’m wearing oh fuck who’s calling me it’s only 11.30 I can’t deal with phonecalls until after 3 so what this outfit is doing is oh please please don’t make me reformat this I stayed late on Friday to finish it and I accessorised it with no no no not the liability spreadsheet I want my mummy kill me now.

Pick your fave. All the love. x

HB: Today I’m rocking a pair of pyjama bottoms that my dad got me for Christmas as a teenager, complete with on-trend plaid patterning, because I’ve run out of real trousers to wear. For maximum comfort as I go about my professional day, I’ve teamed these with a slouchy cream jumper that makes me look anaemic. Make-up is minimal this morning, comprising some smeared mascara from the day before, because I like to keep a Tuesday appropriately casual.

RLC: Today I am wearing an electric blue jumper with toothpaste down the front, a pair of leggings that, until my morning meeting, I did not notice had the beginning of crotch rot, and a greying, saggy bra. I also have VPL

BG: Today I am dressed in my well-worn knock-off dress, which is covered in hair and one avacado stain from lunch; my last acceptable pair of 80 denier tights with a small hole I hope no one has noticed, and a gaudy bandaid on my forearm after I accidentally burned myself making popcorn on the weekend.

KR: Today I am wearing a skirt about which my boss once said: “You know, You really do have the most excellent collection of skirts. But then, you know that already, DON’T YOU?”

HJP: Today I am wearing wool houndstooth trousers, which unfortunately still had yesterday’s knickers concealed in one leg, my ex-girlfriend’s thong cos I ran out of underwear, and a blazer that was probably made by child labour in an horrific factory somewhere, which I feel horrendously guilty about

ZA: Today I am wearing: black skirt, smeared with egg mayo and banana following ill-advised run (inverted commas) into work, flatmates enseamed cardigan and ex-boyfriends boxers (period pants – WHO HAS THE LAST LAUGH NOW, EH).

Sorry for lack of punctuation, Im abroad and cannot work this shitting keyboard xx

CM: When I’m working from home, I normally throw on a light vest top I’ve had since sixth form, completing it with a complete lack of make up. If I’m feeling particular adventurous I’ll pour my curves into a skirt, some jeans or any available jug. Or perhaps leave them in my pyjamas.So there you have it. Feel cleverer from reading this? I know I do.




8 thoughts on “What the Vagenda Team Wears to Work (Seeing as Y’all So Clearly Give a Fuck)

  1. This is hilarious, thanks for cheering me up! I’ve done the wearing of trousers with yesterday’s pants concealed in a leg before (I’d left the house and was well on my way to the supermarket in a busy shopping area by the time they decided to emerge). I now almost obsessively double-check both legs before I put anything on if I’m leaving the house.

    Glad to hear I am a part of the cool crowd with my clothes decorated with such accessories as hair, food stains, and unidentifiable fluff. Natural and minimal make-up (ie none) plus artful just-got-out-of-bed hair and I’m frankly amazed nobody’s snapped me and put me on the cover of some magazine by now! :)

  2. “Meggins”??!! Because men don’t have legs, not even going to try to understand.

    And just to join the fun: I’m wearing my friend’s wedding gown #2, because it’s amazing, made of the softest fabric ever, has never been worn and works especially well with the two-day stubble on my legs and the make-up I thought of wearing to day (true story, although, if going by the “meggins”-logic, I guess I’m wearing a “sedding gown”, since I’m single…).

  3. This article nearly killed me laughing. Thank you so much for writing it, seems my “uni-revision-chic” is as on-trend as ever.