The Vagenda

24 More Signs She’s a Slut

I was so lucky to have come across the most revolutionary piece of writing I’ve ever seen,”24 signs that she’s a slut” alternatively entitled “Why my Oedipus complex and tiny penis make me angry”. Nevertheless, as accurate as the article was, portraying us sluts of the world in the brilliantly positive light, I feel that the writer, ‘Tuthmosis’, missed out on some key points which I would address.
Now as I have a tattoo, a piercing, I swear, have ‘big tits’, I talk about drugs, have hooked up with another girl, have travelled alone, lost my virginity at 15, like tequila and party drugs, am friends with a DJ, talk about sex, have a bad relationship with my father and describe myself as a feminist, everyone can clearly see that I’m the biggest fucking slut known to (wo)mankind. But as I have this special set of slut-skills, I wanted to add to Tuthmosis’ disgustingly accurate list with 24 other signs a woman is a slut. Trust me, I would know.
24 more signs she’s a slut – because you can’t be too careful
1. She’s reading this. I can feel your slutstrogen oozing off the computer screen. You were on your way to a dating website, weren’t you… We know your type.2. She leaves the kitchen. Because there’s only one place she could be going: somewhere to have sex.

3. She leaves the house in general. Any woman who steps out the front door, is travelling straight into the crotch of an exotic local at every destination. You know it and I know it. The Grimbsy co-op is crawling with potential cock.

4. She shaves. She’s essentially making it so that no man has any grip with which to halt her wanton advances.

5. She speaks, at all. No matter what she is saying, it can be translated to ‘I’m a cum-guzzling whore’ (especially when she asks you to pass the salt – watch out for that one. Because what also tastes salty? If you know the answer, you’re a slut.)

6. She laughs at anything. That’s basically the slut’s mating call. No woman finds anything funny unless she wants you to fuck her seven shades of Sunday.

7. She shows the flesh on the palms on her hand. Allowing the skin on your fingers to be shown to the world is just about acceptable – but the wrist, non non non. That’s the handjob joint.

8. She has a voicebox, paired with lips: an open mouth follows, and an open mouth is a mouth waiting for a penis.

9. She eats sausages or bananas. Food of a slut, practice for You Know What.


10. In fact, if she puts anything in her mouth it’s just proof of her oral fixation. Anyone who always wants things in her mouth is probably not too particular about who she bangs.
11. She has a stripper name. Sue, Jane, Lucy, Kate- all sluts. Especially if she has an oddly-prounounced stripper name. Like ‘Danelle’ instead of ‘Danielle’. Weird pronunciation = attention slut = actual slut.

12. She makes eye contact. If she’s looking at anything other than the floor, she wants it, in and around her face.

13. She wants a career. That would simply be an opportunity to find more dick. Feminists fought for the right to a job only so they could find new ways of doing men they haven’t all ready done, and now what do we have? A country overrun with single mothers, a.k.a sluts.

14. She has seen a condom before. That means she’s having sex. With one or more men. Probably because she likes it. And not to procreate.

15. She has an electric toothbrush. You know what I mean.

16. She’s disagreeable. Emotionally flighty girls are vaginally flighty girls, ruled by their vagina-y vaginas. If she drips with sarcasm, you can bet her black soul will seek sustenance on a carousel of cock.

17. She uses the word ‘player’. One word: projection.

18. She has female friends. Sluts know people because they’re constantly looking for their next cock-fix. Sluts hang out in packs, they use lunches and shopping as an excuse to hunt for – well, you get the idea.

19. Pro-choice = pro-slut.


20. She takes exception to being nicknamed ‘the baby incubator’. A woman who doesn’t know her biological place probably doesn’t know her social place either.
21. Before marriage, she spoke to a man that wasn’t her father. In fact, she spoke to her father. Sluts aren’t particular.

22. She drinks alcohol – now this is an  important one. Alcohol is the nectar of the slut. If she drinks alcohol, you know what else she drinks…COFFEE, the slut rejuvenation postcoital juice.


23. She has two nightstands in her room (one on each side of the bed). I mean how fucking presumptuous can someone be?
24. She has a vagina. Well, she’s just asking for it, then, isn’t she?

 
Consider yourselves now fully informed. But while I’m on a roll, I thought I’d also give you…
3 Signs he’s a bastard
1. He writes for Return of Kings.
2. He has a pulse.
3. He has a pulse.
Laterz.
-NG

24 thoughts on “24 More Signs She’s a Slut

  1. Can I add: if she walks anywhere that there are cars. It’s not called street walking for nothing – it’s called street walking because if she’s walking on a street, she wants to be picked up and paid for sex.

  2. I read this article last night and was infuriated!! So glad you lot picked up on it. cannot believe in this day and age that certain men still opinions as neolithic as this. truly shocked!!

  3. I just clicked on the link, read the article, some of the comments, and then the ‘about section on this odious and disturbing site. Can it even be real? “Sadly, yesterday’s masculinity is today’s misogyny. ” No, fuckhead – based on your ‘community beliefs’ I’d say that yesterday’s misogyny is today’s misogyny. Jeeeeeeez…

  4. i made the mistake of looking at a couple more of his umm….”articles”….WHAT A MISOGYNISTIC LITTLE DICKSPLASH! *dulls the rage with tequila*

  5. What a peabrain this moron is! On the “Community Beliefs” (sic) on the home page, we have:
    no.3 “Men will opt out of monogamy AND REPRODUCTION if there are no incentives to engage in them” (my emphasis)
    Scuse me?? Not to reproduce?? Strange argument for someone who claims to be a biological determinist. Give this man ( I use the term loosely) a Darwin Award.

  6. Oh my war with that internet shithole has been long and sad. Any woman who dares comment there gets bashed and insulted and blocked. I wish there was a way to get that site closed. They are the ones responsible for the Fat Shaming Week as well, a “campaign” that promoted harrassement both online and in real life.

  7. Erm. Words fail me when I browse around his site.

    What positives can we take from it? I’ve heard someone talking about a “masculinist revolution”, where men (of any sexuality) get to wear what they want, talk about their feelings, having “feminine” past times (eg cooking) without being ridiculed. Is Return of Kings just some aberration, a symptom of a problem, rather than the actual disease itself? A scary look into the dark side of human nature that lurks beneath the surface, like the BNP or the Tea Party?

  8. I only found this because a female friend posted it on Facebook. I just looked at the about page for Return of Kings, I know this wont help but I would like to apologize on behalf of all men that aren’t like that do not think this way.

  9. My special appreciation goes to Dr Ikhine for what he has done for me and my entire family after my husband left me with 3kids and now my husband is back after the casting of return love spell by Dr Ikhine the real spell caster I really thank u so much for your good work well done if you are out there having similar problem contact him for help @ agbadado@gmail.com or call +2347060552255.

  10. This can’t be serious? I read this and immediately thought it was a feminists sarcastic joke. Wow, just wow. I hope for society’s sake it is a prank.

    (Some) pop culture doesn’t help this misogyny at all! It’s sad how much of an influence it has on the way, guys like the author of this piece, think. I found the part of oral fixation especially interesting. I’ve been exploring misogyny in music mostly looking at album covers, lyrics, and how women are used as play thing and now that it’s been mentioned I am curious to have a look and see how this oral fixation is shown through music videos. Unfortunately there is a lot of music that perpetuates violence against women, and like the author of this list is all for the be seen not heard mentality, and slut shaming. If you want to see the role misogyny plays in music you should check out our blog:

    http://fightmisogynistmusic.wordpress.com/

  11. Why would you link to Return of Kings? In recent months its become painfully obvious that the bossman over there is a troll. He puts out ever more offensive posts to get clicks. If you pay any attention at all to RoK, you’ve already let them win.

  12. Sorry, there are double standards..

    One small example would be crying… Acceptable for women over many small things, not acceptable for men..I doubt many women would be attracted to guys who cried almost daily over any small thing.

    I am pointing out that sex is vastly different for men and women.. That is how we are made.. Even the girl who says she has casual sex without emotions points out the sex she had was with people she was already emotionally connected to, her friends.

    I have found that the most insecure women are the most sexual. Making a guy cum seems to be a quick fix for their insecurities. of course aftewards they feel like trash, or are so cold that they lack feelings completely.

    I have NEVER met a secure, balanced, confident woman who could just have sex, get up, leave, and feel happy never seeing the person again.

    It seems as a last resort, very lonely women will have casual sex more or less to cure their loneliness OR RECENT PAIN, rather than because they really love casual sex and feel wonderful and proud afterwards.

    To me the above is only possible if the woman truly cares for herself, and does not have sexual “switches”..Sure, some women can bang tons of guys then finally fall in love, but more often than not something is missing.. The reason she can bang so many guys in the past is because she was emotionally “not all there”, and more or less already scorned, bitter, etc.. A mere shadow of her true self.

    • I can easily do that and have done it before. I know plenty of women who have as well. Sex isn’t different for men and women, you’re just a misogynist.

  13. A woman that wants a career is a slut..thats interesting..are you from stone age or something?you are a pathetic egoistic asshole..i will make money from the sky or what..get a grip you idiot..whoever wrote this is a potential future female abuser…go fuck yourself

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