The Vagenda

Friday Poem: On Improving Your ‘Ladybits’


You pluck, you trim, you wax
You change your natural state
You shave, you cleanse, you tweeze
Before you copulate

Lie back for your vajacial
To the beautician it’s just a chore
But you hope your vagina’s prettier
Than the one she saw before

And as for remodelling
This is apparently what goes
Symmetry and neatness
A vagina like a rose

We can now steam our vaginas
For inner harmony
Who knew boiling a kettle
Would set our fannies free

There is a costly serum
To tighten up your fairy
But you’d need to take a mortgage out
To firm up your inner Mary

Our ladybits aren’t pretty
But looks aren’t everything
A vajazzle here, a piercing there
Why cover them with bling

Your peepee, snatch, or coochie coo
Your flower, nink or muff
Whatever name you give her
Your vagina’s had enough

By Jo Ardus

One thought on “Friday Poem: On Improving Your ‘Ladybits’

  1. I enjoyed the above poem.
    It rang quite true for me.
    I just have one small disagreement
    about the place we bonk and wee.

    The foof IS actually pretty
    in the same way each owner is.
    I don’t mean to sound so sappy
    but your under-parts are the shiz.

    Flappy, neat or squashed in a chair
    poking out or neatly hiding in.
    The vagoo is a beautiful part to possess
    regardless of hair or colour of skin.