The Vagenda

What if Cinderella Worked in the Stock Market?


A poetic reimagining by Beatrice Wichert. Best read out loud to rooms of awestruck onlookers.

When Cinderella finally got through her divorce
She took off to business school on the back of her horse
Mary had taught her to spin the gold,
A useful life lesson now she was out in the cold,
She was industrious and smart (had studied economics and art)
So surely she could rise high in the ranks -
Maybe first CEO of the Neverland-Bank?
A woman with class and her level of skill
With savvy opinions, determination and will
Sure, her husband hadn’t quite let her rule the masses
Still, in her leisure time she had attended PPE classes.
Her life in dependence? She found it insulting
So she was fighting to be put on an equal footing
But she just hit with her glass slipper against the glass ceiling
And the men found it charming – yes, even endearing -
And to save the poor fool, a prince bent down kneeling.
But Cinderella wasn’t looking for a fairytale sequel
She wanted A Room of Her Own – she wanted to be equal
She had exchanged her stockings for stock exchange rates
There was a career to foster, not romance and dates.
But older men kept stopping to rest hands on her knee:
“If the girl wants to play, it’d better be with me!”
So her life in Wall Street? She found it insulting
Still, she kept on fighting to be put on an equal footing
And she stomped with her glass slipper against the glass ceiling
Though the men found it charming and almost endearing
And to save the poor fool, a prince (once again) bent down kneeling:
“Sweet darling – I thought you lost your shoe, not your head?
Come, come – leave the business – you belong in my bed.
There are children to bear and there’s food to be cooked.
Best quit this rampage, before others start to look.”
Cinderella couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing
Stared at Prince Charming, down there and kneeling:
“Mr Charming, I decline your ridiculous offer.
These outdated concepts make you a shit lover.
I changed from slippers to boots, I rolled up my stockings.
Now get up from your knee or I’ll kick your royal butt in!”
Next day at work she noticed a crack in the ceiling
And finally, the men treated her with respect in her dealings.
Soon after, she got her PhD in equity bonds
And was known in all kingdoms as Queen of the Funds.
This is the end – so, dream big and sleep tight
Your own fairytale can come true – so be prepared to fight!
(Ed. – Yes, I know everyone’s fairytale isn’t to go into investment banking. But hell, I’ll fight for any woman’s right to become a soulless City slicker if she really bloody wants to. Happy weekend.)


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